The Chesire Cat, The Knave, Derek, and the Lobster
by E.M Travers
Summary: Insanity ensues when the Tweedles find a way to get the Stuarts to perform a unique rendition of the Lobster Quadrille. Based on cpcoulter's Dalton. Hints of crackism. Rated T for lobster-induced cussing.


/Another one-short…drabble…crackish thing that popped into my head. Not meant to be taken seriously at all. I don't own Cp Coulter's OC's.

Julian had been half asleep before he heard the loud thump and the oh-so familiar sound of Logan cursing from the room next to his. He sat up, raking a hand through his brown wavy hair before heading out into the hallway. He walked up to Logan's door and reached for the handle, as Julian Larson never needed to knock. He noticed that there were multiple large holes in the door and the walls. This made him pause, as it puzzled him what could've gotten Logan mad enough that he was demolishing the walls.

A lobster crawled from one of the holes in the door. An actual, live lobster. Julian stared at it for a few seconds. He'd never seen one live before, only on his plate with melted butter and lemon. It scuttled over Julian's socked-foot before grabbing hold of his pajama-bottom cuff. Julian's skin crawled and he shook his foot wildly to get the lobster to let go, but it seemed just as stubborn as himself, and it outright refused to move.

"What the hell…" Julian muttered as he threw the door open.

All hell broke loose.

Logan was standing on his bed, holding a lobster. He also had four lobsters clinging to his shirt, and two hanging off the sleeves of his blazer. Several metal buckets were scattered throughout the room, a few containing several lobsters already. Hundreds of the red sea-crustaceans were clattering across the hardwood floors, clinging to the curtains, the antique furniture, or whatever they could close their claws around. Derek was perched on top of a dresser, holding two lobsters in each hand. Both boys were bruised and bleeding…probably from the lobster's claws.

"What the fuck happened here!" Julian shouted.

"CLOSE THE DOOR BEHIND YOU! AND DON'T MOVE!" Both Stuarts on top of the furniture screamed. Julian looked at his feet to see tons of cross crossed lines of thin string, which connected to the light fixtures, from which hung a birdcage containing Pavarotti. Neither Logan or Derek could move from where they were fighting off the lobsters, lest their yellow feathery responsibility fall from the ceiling. The window was open, and the two Stuarts were throwing the lobsters out of it in some sort of action pattern.

"What….how…." Then it all clicked together in the actor's brain as he slowly shut the door. Another elaborate prank by Ethan and Evan Brightman.

"Advance twice…" Logan muttered as he grabbed two more lobsters and tossed them to Derek.

"Switch lobsters…" Derek grumbled, tossing Logan back one of the lobsters.

"Retire in the same order- Derek, wrong lobster." Logan pointed out.

"Who gives a fuck which lobster it is!" Derek snapped, growing entirely weary of missing rowing practice to help Logan with his lobster issue.

"Then you throw the lobsters into the air!" Both shouted, tossing a total of six lobsters out the window.

"Why are you….can't you just-" Julian plucked a lobster off the floor, wincing when it grabbed into his index finger. He tossed the crustacean out the window in one smooth toss. Two more then came sailing into the room through the same window.

"Follow the steps, gentlemen!" Two identical voices called from below the window.

"…Everytime you throw one, they throw two more back. You have to do the Lobster Quadrille to get rid of them all." Logan said in a monotone as he switched lobsters with Derek.

"Oh this is ridiculous. ETHAN! EVAN! GET RID OF THESE GODDAMN THINGS!" Julian screamed. He was then whacked when another lobster came sailing into Logan's room.

"Jules, just shut up and help us get rid of these before Murdoch does room inspection!" Logan hissed, lobbing two more lobsters out the window successfully.

Julian sighed as he exchanged glances with a lobster now clinging to his t-shirt. It was going to be a long day.


End file.
